Was, is, will be.

They're strong. Words, that is. I've come so far. My words from the past have come back to... remind me.

I was talking to Deanna when my phone cut out. I was talking about my past. I'm really sad I can't talk to her right now. I tried to find another phone but I can't. It's times like these that I feel how far I am from her. I wanted to apologize for how blind I was. The whole time, during all of that turmoil in my life. She was there and I didn't even stop to look.

I used to do this a lot, I feel I was better off for it. I'd write and see what happened, you know.

In 2006 my art took a shift. I've been doing highly personal work that has been lost to most audiences since then. I think it may have culminated last semester in a journal I have yet to post here. I made the switch in 2006 away from political art. I think I'm ready to move outside of myself now. I think as a final step in my college career I need to do the last thing that scares me. I need to arrive.

I've put myself out there.

That says it well: I've shoved a "me" out there for people to view. But. I haven't been out there myself. I once told Deanna that I see my art as an extension of myself. I feel like I need to stand beside it. I think what I need to do is something that is, me. My class calls for me to pose a problem to myself. To attempt to overcome a challenge. I don't quite know what it is yet. But.

My challenge involves standing next to my work. It's large. It's immersive. And it's intimately connected to me, and as a strange turn of events, to the outside world.

My art WAS a reflection of the world.
My art IS a reflection of me.
My art WILL BE my reflection on the world.

I miss her so much.

Look What We Still Have

Yes. I did that. That thing all artists do and never do right. I went the childhood dreams route. This is sort of the end result(?) of an idea I had in sophomore year of college. The basic premise was of what we wanted to do versus what we became. I had chest shots of people holding representations of their childhood dreams. And next to these representations were their name tags from their current jobs. I might do that series later, but for now I like the more optimistic look at our childhood. "Look what we still have" sits better than a pessimistic "look what we've become". Enjoy the first.

My fucking god.

Seriously. With the tears.

I never noticed how "tears" and "tears" are spelled the same. In that respect, I guess this post works on two levels.

Okay, next year.

Next year I will not be returning to The Nevada Sagebrush. I may or may not still shoot for them on some basis. I don't want the paper to die, but I also value my own sanity. So, we'll see.

Also I plan to join a fraternity. That's right. Pi Kappa Phi. If I do not make it, I will not join a frat.

I will be getting a job dirung the school year.

I will be passing all my classes next year.

I will be politically active again next year. A return to my calling, heh.

And that's the news. I think some of you already knew most of that, lol. Alright. I'll be sure to update you guys on things more often, lol.

Ten thoughts.

I picked the number ten rather arbitrarily, lets see how this works.

[01] The health care system (In the US) makes me want to retch. How can a business survive on the basis of trying to help the least amount of people?
[02] I really enjoy mystery in my life, and therefore hope to one day get caught up in some sort of conspiracy.
[03] Julie comes come tomorrow (see thought 01) and I am both very angry and very elated at this fact.
[04] I'm halfway through House of Leaves and I have no idea what else there is to be explained.
[05] The Saw movie theme is incredibly brilliant, and leads me to believe there might be something interesting inside the Saw series. Though it all repulses me still.
[06] I've been "saving" the Dark Tower series and Godfather movies, and I think it's time to fall in.
[07] Why do i have this strange obsession with old objects and places? Especially because I'm so concerned for the future.
[08] Perhaps that IS why I enjoy the past so much.
[09] Fuck I need a job/money.
[10] Does my school have any sort of astrophysics or cosmology courses/clubs? If so would I be in over my head if I tried to get into one?

I know that last one was kind of cheating.