Was, is, will be.

They're strong. Words, that is. I've come so far. My words from the past have come back to... remind me.

I was talking to Deanna when my phone cut out. I was talking about my past. I'm really sad I can't talk to her right now. I tried to find another phone but I can't. It's times like these that I feel how far I am from her. I wanted to apologize for how blind I was. The whole time, during all of that turmoil in my life. She was there and I didn't even stop to look.

I used to do this a lot, I feel I was better off for it. I'd write and see what happened, you know.

In 2006 my art took a shift. I've been doing highly personal work that has been lost to most audiences since then. I think it may have culminated last semester in a journal I have yet to post here. I made the switch in 2006 away from political art. I think I'm ready to move outside of myself now. I think as a final step in my college career I need to do the last thing that scares me. I need to arrive.

I've put myself out there.

That says it well: I've shoved a "me" out there for people to view. But. I haven't been out there myself. I once told Deanna that I see my art as an extension of myself. I feel like I need to stand beside it. I think what I need to do is something that is, me. My class calls for me to pose a problem to myself. To attempt to overcome a challenge. I don't quite know what it is yet. But.

My challenge involves standing next to my work. It's large. It's immersive. And it's intimately connected to me, and as a strange turn of events, to the outside world.

My art WAS a reflection of the world.
My art IS a reflection of me.
My art WILL BE my reflection on the world.

I miss her so much.

Brown Junior High

It's a time that was filled with a bit of drama. Quite a bit ofit. But in the end, I still look back on it with fond memories. These photos will really only mean something to anyone who went there. But still, I offer them.

Look What We Still Have

Yes. I did that. That thing all artists do and never do right. I went the childhood dreams route. This is sort of the end result(?) of an idea I had in sophomore year of college. The basic premise was of what we wanted to do versus what we became. I had chest shots of people holding representations of their childhood dreams. And next to these representations were their name tags from their current jobs. I might do that series later, but for now I like the more optimistic look at our childhood. "Look what we still have" sits better than a pessimistic "look what we've become". Enjoy the first.

Ten thoughts.

I picked the number ten rather arbitrarily, lets see how this works.

[01] The health care system (In the US) makes me want to retch. How can a business survive on the basis of trying to help the least amount of people?
[02] I really enjoy mystery in my life, and therefore hope to one day get caught up in some sort of conspiracy.
[03] Julie comes come tomorrow (see thought 01) and I am both very angry and very elated at this fact.
[04] I'm halfway through House of Leaves and I have no idea what else there is to be explained.
[05] The Saw movie theme is incredibly brilliant, and leads me to believe there might be something interesting inside the Saw series. Though it all repulses me still.
[06] I've been "saving" the Dark Tower series and Godfather movies, and I think it's time to fall in.
[07] Why do i have this strange obsession with old objects and places? Especially because I'm so concerned for the future.
[08] Perhaps that IS why I enjoy the past so much.
[09] Fuck I need a job/money.
[10] Does my school have any sort of astrophysics or cosmology courses/clubs? If so would I be in over my head if I tried to get into one?

I know that last one was kind of cheating.

0 to "penis" in 90 seconds.

(Very quick news: I am now living in my brother's room. It's okay. We roomed together back in Reno, so we're fine. But it's really really cramped.)

I'm back in contact with an old friend (Misty). It's awesome. We have plans to hang out more in the future. She said she reads my blog, so I'm going take some time to speak to her. Hello! I hope you're having a good day/night. And back on topic. We hung out at Applebees. And here is my story.

I took a bus to get to our rendezvous. It was a fiasco. I got there and assumed the bus would be there soon. "No", said the god of the bus system. "For your arrogance you shall wait not 30, not 40 but 50 minutes in the Nevada desert heat for your bus."

About 45 minutes into my wait a skinny black woman in a big floppy hat arrived. She was crazy. Not in the adorable puppy that runs around a lot crazy. But the probably keeps a human hand in her purse on the off chance someone asks her to give them a hand kind of crazy. She looked normal enough. But she screamed. A lot. Things like 'Satan is in her throat! The Satanists are coming and you will pay for all you have done!' and 'AAAHHHAAAAGGGGGGG! NO! NOOO! AAAHHHGGGHHH!'

I kid you not.

She did it on the bus too.

Once I arrived in the Galleria Mall area I think I saw my friend. But I didn't stop to say hello. I'm always afraid they'll turn out to be someone I don't know. I tried applying for jobs at places in the mall, but it turns out they all take applications online these days. Sad. So I applied in store at Borders and Target.

Then came the Applebees event. Where Misty and I conversed and ate food we liked and such. In our conversation we went from 0 to "penis" in 90 seconds. Meaning that it only took us 90 seconds to make a perverted joke. This one involved a penis. (The next one had to do with a scrotum). We remenisced, talked, found out that we both hate pancakes and cake. And rejoyced.

My old habits...

My old habits are still out there, fading. I used to stencil in drainage ditches in my suburban neighborhood. I went back to see what remained of them and to my surprise, some of them were still in good shape. Others were not so lucky. Here are a few of the pictures I took. The rest can be found Here.







This one made me feel especially special. It's a stencil someone else made which they sprayed next to my (and Gabe's) original 6 foot anatomical heart stencil.