Echoes.

As I lay down to sleep, sometimes I find myself unable to calm my mind. I lay in the darkness as my body falls off to sleep, my mind racing on. In this state I hear echoes. I've learned in my brief courtship with psychology that memory is tied intricately with all of the senses. Yet I'm never able to remember conversations clearly enough to pull them back from my mind. I wonder if that's normal sometimes. It's actually quite a problem in arguments. But when I'm in this between state of awareness I hear memories. Echoes. Never full phrases. Perhaps two or three words. And they're not related in any way. It's not like the word bunny leads to a voice saying carrot. It's completely out of my control, which also scares me. It reminds me of the random neuron firing theory of dreams. Where the brain fires strangely during sleep, and the mind organizes it. But that's not what this is.

I'm awake.

And the voices are people I know. That's another thing, I don't remember voices. It's almost as if these disconnected words and voices are the echoes of memories that never fully anchored themselves. I know that when a sound is heard, the mind can play it back a few times before it fades. But these are clear as day. They jump. One after another. Through time. I can feel myself trying to make sense of them sometimes, which is odd. I am listening. I am also generating these thoughts. And I'm also trying to make sense of them. But I'm only conscious of the listening part. These echoes remind me of being deep in a tunnel. I hear a sound, but don't know where it's coming from. Or walking down a street, and hearing footsteps behind me. Only realizing that they are my footsteps echoed off of a wall giving the impression of someone behind me. These echoes are my ties to memory. Something I have precious little of.

Another blog without focus.

I need some structure. If you look at my posts they've been getting progressively of a lesser quality and more flighty in consistiency. But. All that aside, I'll continue posting random shit till I get some direction.

First: does anyone have a calculator they do not want? It doesn't have to work. Sculpture is brewing in my head.

Second: Fuck Indecline. Fuck them so hard. I'm not even going to link them. I'm sure this paragraph gives them more publicity than it should, but perhaps something will get done. If anyone will go with me I want to drive around town and paint over their already illegal graffiti and paste ups because they revolt me. I'm serious. We'll find these fuckers and park a bit away and paint over them. Fuck. Maybe even alter them to look like:

Seriously. I want to do this.

Third: A sad little graphic I made one day:


Fourth: Dexter is awesome.

Fifth: I want calculators.

Anticipation rant.

In high school I participated in only one theatrical production. But I'll always remember the feeling I got while waiting for the show to begin. The anticipation I felt, and I'm sure actors must feel every time, was one of the most memorable moments of my life. There are other moments that elicit the same feelings. I also participated in track and field during my high school carreer. At the beginning of any race one gets the same intense feeling of anticipation. And during Forensics (speech and debate) just before you go into your room to begin your debate, the feeling wells up again. This seems to be one of the only things missing from my life right now. I think to a smaller degree I do get some of that anticipation before I explore something new, or discover something new. Photograpy is probably the closest I come to attaining the feeling these days. As I gather my equipment I taste it slightly.

The reason I write about this feeling is because I think I need this feeling in some primal way. I need the sudden release of adrenaline. I need the expectations of a crowd. Maybe the Exploration can offer me that someday, if I become known enough. The day I lose that feeling will be the day I change what I do with my life.

Reviews and Previews.

As a personal list and a functional blog I will now review a few things and preview a few others.

Reviews:

Title: After...
Type: Movie
Text: This movie was just plain dissapointing. Rediculously dissapointing actually. Here is a link to my review on Amazon.

Title: Juno
Type: Movie
Text: This movie blew my mind. It was one of the only truly funny movies I've come across. I didn't feel bad laughing, and I actually enjoyed myself. I highly reccomend this one.

Title: Halo 3Type: Video Game
Text: It's a bit late for me to review this, but I might as well. It was what I expected. I was expecting an amazing game on par with the other two, so yeah. I'm only about halfway through, so I might have to review it again.

Title: Tara's New Boyfriend
Type: Person
Text: Good job Tara. I approve. The last one made me want to kill people. This one I played "porn war" with. Speaking of that game

Title: Porn War
Type: Card game
Text: This is fun for all ages. Walk down the strip and take as many "calling cards" from the scary immigrants as possible. The cards are essentially business cards for hookers that are handed out all over the strip. Develop a nice deck, organize your cards a bit. Then play one card at a time against an opponent. Going by what's on the cards decide which one is better. Sometimes a really expensive hooker might win. Sometimes a 10 dollar lady of the night might take tha cake. You can make up other card games if you want. I highly reccomend this game.

Title: I Am Legend
Type: Movie
Text: Will Smith is indeed a Legend.

Previews

Title: Cloverfield
Type: Movie
Text: I can not wait for this movie. I'm not nearly as obsessive as some of the people out there, but i'm following the news about this one. It's shrouded in secrecy. The secrecy is holding up better than any other "secret" that I've come across.

Title: The Dark Knight
Type: Movie
Text: Oh shit.

Title: Life After PeopleType: TV Special
Text: What happens if humans go extinct? I don't know, but I'm sure going to find out.

Title: Alice In Wonderland
Type: Tim, Fucking, Burton
Text: I'll kill anyone who says this will be bad.

Title: Halo
Type: Movie
Text: What? Oh lord. When is this coming out so I can block the day off? Cancelled? No? WTF IS GOING ON WITH THIS?!

In our backyard.

Right outside, there are beautiful landscapes. I'm entirely familiar with this concept, but I recieved a jarring reinsertion into reality as I walked through a patch of desert between my home and my old high school. A homeless man's camp lay deserted before me. My mind stopped wandering, and for the first time in a long time, I existed in the moment. In my own backyard (extended beyond my actual backyard of course) I found the remnants of a human being that could easily be dead, but just as easily be returning that night.

Oh dissapointment.

I found what I believed to be an amazing site quite recently. UER.CA. It looked so promising too. It's a message board, the largest one out there, for urban explorers. I thought to myself "wow people like me!". Turns out, not really. It's all a big bullshit-how-awesome-you-are site. And, excuse my eletism, but that's something I got over in middle school.

Of course there's also the soughtafter L3 status. Whoooooo! Spooky. Essentially L3 status means you've whored yourself enough to get attention by the moderator for your region. *shrugs*

But! There are also some really nice people on the site. Some people are wicked photographers, many who I could learn from. So it's not a total loss.

However, there seem to be no explorers in the Reno area. AT ALL. It's like me and... well me. It's sort of rediculous. The Vegas group doesn't seem that active. (There's one person, we'll see how that goes) Anyways, I'm an idiot. It's fucking 6 in the morning. I think I'm going to go to school with Ryan. Maybe explore some of my old school. Heh. Should be fun.

A new site by a friend.

I highly reccomend going to this site: www.366ripples.blogspot.com . It's a blog dedicated to esentially discovering what it's like to actually live life by the morals we all say we do.

Please.

Go HERE.

100 posts.

It's been quite a while since I first started this blog. And I have to say it's been very rewarding. Lets just hope the next 100 posts are as fun to make.

Okay, moving on to the update. My plan for the next couple of weeks is to go and find some places for the UNLV kids to investigate. It's a newer university spread across a wide range of terrains so it's unlikely that I'll find linking tunnels between buildings. But, it's also very likely that I'll find some neat places to explore. Reno is an older university and therefore has a lot of older architecture. A newer campus will have different kinds of spaces to explore that will undoubtedly be quite industrial.

Also be prepared for an exploration of the new student union in Reno when I go back.

New Years Resolutions.

That's right, a cliche' resolution post. Resolutions have always been a hard thing for me to do. Seeing as they're basically empty promises at best. I vow to do (blank). It' something I want to do, and is therefore self serving. I don't know. Maybe I got the whole resolution thing wrong when I first learned about it.

Resolved:

That I will make a valliant attempt to further my artistic creativity in the realm of sculpture. (weird I know)

That I will make a renewed effort to do well in academic classes for the 2008 spring semester.

That I will Caucus.

That I will vote.

That I will make an attempt to find the deepest secrets of the UNR campus. (expect updates on that one with boring notes from the UNR archives)

That my next photo project will break at least one boundary.

That I will take time for myself for "whatever the fuck I want to do" art.

That I will use my powers for good.

That I will recycle.

That I will save for a camera which I desperately need, like hella.

That I will not come back in here and delete resolutions to make myself look better for future readers.

I told you it would be relatively boring and self serving.